Hooray! Only 2 more weeks till I am out of the house. Found a job, found a house and filed for divorce. I can already see the path he is taking when we talk about visitation though. He claims to want to spend a lot of time with them but is already making excuses why certain dates and times won't work for him, i,e. the football games, poker parties, work out times, etc. I have put myself on the back burner for the kids for so many years and it still burns me that he can't give up any of his fun for them or what they need. I just don't understand and I guess I never will.
Still at his mercy though, because I can't afford the bills without his child support. So I have to continue to keep his books and manage his finances to ensure my future. One step at a time right?
- Moving out
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wised_up- September 20th, 21:08
- My "N" dovorce
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- wised_up
- May 31st, 19:40
I am starting to wonder if I was overeatcting all these years. We finally decided on and talked about divorce. He has been very reasonable and civil about the whole thing. Am I crazy? Have I imagined the last few years? I am taking this as it comes and taking advantage while he is so nice. I know an "N" can be very deceptive and give an impression to others that he is perfect but he is really blowing me away right now right now with how reasonable he is.
I need someone to reasure me that I have not been crazy all these years when I was home at 4:30 in the morning while he was out with his friends, drinking, and that I did not imagine the girls phone numbers and jewlrey I found in his pants, etc.,. That I was not wrong to want him to cut back spending when we were almost in bankruptcy? That I was not wrong when he told me it was my fault his single, childless, friends didn't like me. That I was not wrong!
How can he go from that to this? I totally look like the bitch now. NOW, he is spending time with his kids?! NOW he is acting like a real man!? WTF?! Is it an act?
Second guessing myself... not that I want him back, just wondering if I am right?
- (no subject)
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- wised_up
- April 1st, 12:44
My N just agreed to a divorce.
I am doubting myself at this moment because he said everything just too perfectly. He made all the appropriate emotional remarks and seemed genuine. It's times like this that can make me forget the horrible things he has done in the past and wonder if I was just crazy? Although I noticed that he still did not take responsibilty for his part in our demise.
We will not divorce until my schooling is done in 1 and a half years though. Until then I kind of feel like the pressure to keep him happy is off a little bit.
Do you think its possible to stay friends and live with him as a friend until my schooling is done? We can't afford to leave our house right now and he doesn't want to leave the kids yet and I can't get through schooling without him here.
- Advise on leaving my N
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- wised_up
- March 26th, 0:07
Sorry, I don't know how to work all the thumbnails and all that so I am just going to paste my bio on a post instead.I am a mother of 2 small children who is married to a narcissist. My N is not physically abusive and has been financially successful until recently and so putting my finger on the problem has been elusive. He is very emotionally abusive and irresponsible with our money. He is quick to blame all of our problems on me and refuses to take any responsibility himself. We are now facing bankruptcy and I am planning my escape before he harms the children as well. I guess I jumping all over the place in this and he doesn't sound as bad here as what I feel. The truth is, he fits EVERY symptom of NPD except physical abuse. He doesn't care or even want to hear about other peoples feelings (including mine and the children) and reacts badly when critisised by blaming me or anyone/thing else in the area. He drops his friends the moment they stop adoring him and I am afraid he will do the same to me and the kids before I can afford to leave on my own. So I walk the line of trying to pacify him while still standing my ground. He has spent all of our money on his projects and desires, against my very vocal wishes. He is addicted to opening new business ventures and abandons them shortly after- he gets bored easily. I cant stand by and get cut to shreds any longer while trying to hold our lives together for him while he plays. Unfortunately, I have no marketable skills, no family who can help, and am stuck in a bad situation. I have enrolled in a paralegal program and will graduate in 1 and a half years, then I can leave. I am completely financially unable to leave at this point and with our situation he will not be able to provide adequate child support anyhow. I have do be able to do it on my own with 2 not quite school age children. I'm sorry I have rambled on but I am so happy to finally have found others who understand and (hopefully) won't think I'm crazy! He's such a likable person to those who don't know the true him that I end up looking like the bad guy.
What I need help with is support during this between time. It is getting harder and harder for me to stay and I know it would be a million times more difficult on me, the kids and him (financially) if I left now. Does anyone have tips for temporarily living peacefully with a N? I try to brush off his bad decisions but they affect our very livliehood to the extent that it's impossible to avoid confrontation.
Thank you, just for being here!
- Advise on leaving an N
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- wised_up
- March 25th, 23:57
Sorry, I don't know how to work all the thumbnails and all that so I am just going to paste my bio on a post instead.I am a mother of 2 small children who is married to a narcissist. My N is not physically abusive and has been financially successful until recently and so putting my finger on the problem has been elusive. He is very emotionally abusive and irresponsible with our money. He is quick to blame all of our problems on me and refuses to take any responsibility himself. We are now facing bankruptcy and I am planning my escape before he harms the children as well. I guess I jumping all over the place in this and he doesn't sound as bad here as what I feel. The truth is, he fits EVERY symptom of NPD except physical abuse. He doesn't care or even want to hear about other peoples feelings (including mine and the children) and reacts badly when critisised by blaming me or anyone/thing else in the area. He drops his friends the moment they stop adoring him and I am afraid he will do the same to me and the kids before I can afford to leave on my own. So I walk the line of trying to pacify him while still standing my ground. He has spent all of our money on his projects and desires, against my very vocal wishes. He is addicted to opening new business ventures and abandons them shortly after- he gets bored easily. I cant stand by and get cut to shreds any longer while trying to hold our lives together for him while he plays. Unfortunately, I have no marketable skills, no family who can help, and am stuck in a bad situation. I have enrolled in a paralegal program and will graduate in 1 and a half years, then I can leave. I am completely financially unable to leave at this point and with our situation he will not be able to provide adequate child support anyhow. I have do be able to do it on my own with 2 not quite school age children. I'm sorry I have rambled on but I am so happy to finally have found others who understand and (hopefully) won't think I'm crazy! He's such a likable person to those who don't know the true him that I end up looking like the bad guy.
What I need help with is support during this between time. It is getting harder and harder for me to stay and I know it would be a million times more difficult on me, the kids and him (financially) if I left now. Does anyone have tips for temporarily living peacefully with a N? I try to brush off his bad decisions but they affect our very livliehood to the extent that it's impossible to avoid confrontation.
Thank you, just for being here!
